Time to make a stand.

A week ago in church I was grunting about not being able to go to Heroes Baptist Youth Camp, I was thinking, God why don't you do something to make me flunk the District Interact Conference and just let me go to the Youth Camp?!

Then it struck me that God may have something for me to do in the DIC, my first thought was that maybe God wanted me to evangelise to the people there, friends there, to tell people about the gospel. So I went to the conference with a heart thinking that I would be given opportunity to evangelise to people, and opportunity arose, they did, there were people asking about God, like Alvin and all, I tried my best to tell him about God, and it progressed a little, I was thinking : This can work, God really wants me to evangelise here, to tell people about the Good News!

Guess what.

As much as God wanted it, He knew I wasn't ready for that.

It just struck me by the end of the conference, that God didn't put me in the conference to influence people, God wanted to see how I would be influenced by the people around me.

He wanted to tell me that:

• I have a really stuck up, egoistic and ignorance way of speech.
• I don't care or sub-consciously don't care about how others feel.
• I think too highly of myself.
• I never humble myself.
• I never lay down my pride and admit that I'm wrong.
• I never think that I'm the one to blame, even when everyone is pointing at me.
• I always think the few friends around me talk too harshly, while not noticing I'm the harshest of them all.
• I order people more than I ask people to do something.
• I don't treat everyone equally.
• While wanting people to give me respect, I don't respect others.
• Again, I'm too stuck up.

God told me and told me and told me so many times, He reminded me through so many so many ways. But I just couldn't hear or see it. There were two speaker in the conference, Puan Sussie and Dr. Siva I think, said something that is so close to my heart,

-Respect cannot be demanded, only earned. The only way to earn respect is to give out respect.

-Many at times we blame outwards, a good leader blame inwards.

Maybe if I apply these two things in my life, I'd be better. and of course, having God in my heart too.

God also showed me through the conference that I am weak at controlling myself.

Emotions and thoughts, gain control over me, especially emotions.

God showed me so obviously that if I don't control my emotions but let it control me, I'll never be me, I'll never be able to control what I do.

I read this article, it said that we can control our Thoughts, Emotions, Actions and Reactions.

Without controlling them, we're just puppets of emotions and thoughts.

And I've been that puppet for a long long time.

God put into my head, that I need to start living, start to rule myself, to be rational.

It's hard, so hard, to pull myself out from that state, it's like I'm too adapted to it.

I think I shouldn't ignore what God's trying to say anymore.

He's been calling out to me so many so many times, and maybe it's... no, it definitely is time for me to make a stand.

From after I wake up onwards, I won't let emotions control me anymore, I'm gonna get rid of all my negativity and live my life through what God says and what's rational. I'm ridding myself of all useless emotions, until i learn to control them.

I'm gonna win this time.