who are you?

You were in that trend years before others were.

Your interest was there before the world started to like it,

You were far more mature than your age shows,

You make my heart skip a beat when I see you,

I don't understand, who are you?

I am blessed beacause . . .

I am blessed because I wake up every morning with breakfast ready on my table,
when there are people waking up to hunger.


I am blessed because I wake up with clothes to wear,
when there are people shivering in the cold.


I am blessed because I wake up knowing that I don't have to walk to school,
when there are people who don't have a school to go to.


I am blessed because I get to eat even if it's not time for breakfast,lunch or dinner ,
while some people wonder when will the next meal come.


I am blessed because I am living such a comfortable life, playing sports, joking with friends, using the internet and sleeping whenever I want,
when some people are using their last bit of strength to make sure they survive hunger,illness and pain.


I am blessed because I have friends to talk to when I'm in pain, to laugh with and to be my help when I'm in need,
when there are people who feel sad, sorrow and pain without anyone
to lean on.


I am blessed because I have a caring Mum, an awesome Dad and a loving little sister,while there are people who will never know who their parents are.


I am blessed because I know I am loved by God.
The people in pain, the people in hunger, the people in sorrow,
the people who lost everything, the people who kill, the people who
steal, the people who hate, the people who persecute, the people who is the worst of all
- humans, are loved by God. They just need to know it.







I am blessed, are you?

If you think you're not, remember this, God loves you, no matter who you are.
You just need to know it. =

My regret and my pain.

As I looked on the family and friends there.

As I looked at how Wah Loon and Sean broke down into tears.

The wailing, I know will never fade from my heart.

I saw Crystal, with a blank expression,

I couldn't look into her eyes,

It was as if she's saying, what happened? Now what?

I can never forget the scene.

I saw Ching Vei, crying out Ch'ng...Ch'ng, Eric Tiw screaming out, everybody crying and wailing, a sound that will never cease to resound in my head.

I saw Brendon's brother, in tears while he was trying to serve us.

It hurts to know he has to put up with sleeping alone now.

I saw Yi Zhang's brother, the tough one,

I've never seen him so down.

Sean, Wah Loon, Soo Liang, Yi Yang, Yi kai, Jun Qi, the scouts, the tough people,

they couldn't hold their tears.

I saw Yong Xiang's grandfather, with white hair, just sitting there. I saw the sorrow in the old man's face. He couldn't understand why would he be in his Grandson's funeral.

I saw Chien Ming, saying it's not true it's not true, I saw the pain. I felt the pain

I saw Brendon's grandfather, crying as he walked by.

I saw his Mother, crying her lungs out.

I saw Yi Yang, in tears, asking me : where's Yi Zhang.

There was pain.

People kept saying that they're still here, with us, we just can't see them.

They still talk to them.

They cry, but they talk to them

I stood in front of Brendon's photo, I talked to him, but I know he can't hear me.

I know he's might not be resting peacefully, although I hope with all my heart and all my soul he is.

How I hope i can be like everyone else, just talking to them, thinking that he'l hear them.

But I know he can't.

I know God,

I know what he's trying to say.

The only reason for the pain, is because I didn't tell them about God,

Death holds no threat if they know God,

If I had told them about God, if they knew God,

my tears would not be of sorrow, but of joy.

-

When I can't even turn to God, who should I turn to?

I'm sick of myself.

Time to make a stand.

A week ago in church I was grunting about not being able to go to Heroes Baptist Youth Camp, I was thinking, God why don't you do something to make me flunk the District Interact Conference and just let me go to the Youth Camp?!

Then it struck me that God may have something for me to do in the DIC, my first thought was that maybe God wanted me to evangelise to the people there, friends there, to tell people about the gospel. So I went to the conference with a heart thinking that I would be given opportunity to evangelise to people, and opportunity arose, they did, there were people asking about God, like Alvin and all, I tried my best to tell him about God, and it progressed a little, I was thinking : This can work, God really wants me to evangelise here, to tell people about the Good News!

Guess what.

As much as God wanted it, He knew I wasn't ready for that.

It just struck me by the end of the conference, that God didn't put me in the conference to influence people, God wanted to see how I would be influenced by the people around me.

He wanted to tell me that:

• I have a really stuck up, egoistic and ignorance way of speech.
• I don't care or sub-consciously don't care about how others feel.
• I think too highly of myself.
• I never humble myself.
• I never lay down my pride and admit that I'm wrong.
• I never think that I'm the one to blame, even when everyone is pointing at me.
• I always think the few friends around me talk too harshly, while not noticing I'm the harshest of them all.
• I order people more than I ask people to do something.
• I don't treat everyone equally.
• While wanting people to give me respect, I don't respect others.
• Again, I'm too stuck up.

God told me and told me and told me so many times, He reminded me through so many so many ways. But I just couldn't hear or see it. There were two speaker in the conference, Puan Sussie and Dr. Siva I think, said something that is so close to my heart,

-Respect cannot be demanded, only earned. The only way to earn respect is to give out respect.

-Many at times we blame outwards, a good leader blame inwards.

Maybe if I apply these two things in my life, I'd be better. and of course, having God in my heart too.

God also showed me through the conference that I am weak at controlling myself.

Emotions and thoughts, gain control over me, especially emotions.

God showed me so obviously that if I don't control my emotions but let it control me, I'll never be me, I'll never be able to control what I do.

I read this article, it said that we can control our Thoughts, Emotions, Actions and Reactions.

Without controlling them, we're just puppets of emotions and thoughts.

And I've been that puppet for a long long time.

God put into my head, that I need to start living, start to rule myself, to be rational.

It's hard, so hard, to pull myself out from that state, it's like I'm too adapted to it.

I think I shouldn't ignore what God's trying to say anymore.

He's been calling out to me so many so many times, and maybe it's... no, it definitely is time for me to make a stand.

From after I wake up onwards, I won't let emotions control me anymore, I'm gonna get rid of all my negativity and live my life through what God says and what's rational. I'm ridding myself of all useless emotions, until i learn to control them.

I'm gonna win this time.

=)

I didn't really notice until someone reminded me.

only 2 people know this blog exists. haha!

feels good la, a bit of privacy.

but then can't write everything also right? there's a biting pig who views this blog too. haha!

late night love songs is awesome. =)

degraded.

High possibility of dropping to B class.

why. why. why.

damn, should've studied harder.

I'm sad damn it.

i care. why

I was so convinced that I didn't like her at all, that all was just an misunderstood admiration. but why do i feel sad to see her in a relationship?

I don't think I like her.

But I feel unsecured for her.

Maybe it's just me knowing that she believes in people too easily that makes me worry.

Or her not being able to cope with disappointment,

Or her not being able to understand what people's really thinking,

Or her different perspective of life.

Or her innocent thoughts,

I know you're not gonna see this, but still, be well.

I'm not there for you anymore.

It's funny how it works,

I care for her so much. Yet I don't like her, what's this state called?

Maybe it's just that she's like a pure innocent thinking girl that I cannot bear to see fall.

i care.

i really do.

And it all started with a smile.

I hope everything will be fine. for you.

May God bless you,

really.

lol.

It's been quite a long time since I've got this feeling. feels a bit, different.

I barely know you, maybe a bit. but it stops there.

Why do I feel a pang of sadness when I knew there were others liking you?

Why do i lose motivation to move forward towards you?

Haha, I sound so damn childish.

and when i thought these days were over.

ha!